Wow, I can't believe it's been so long since my last post! It's been a very difficult few months for my family. Some of you may already know I'm going through an (eek) divorce. I do not advocate divorce at all...quite the opposite, but sometimes you try to fix, deal, forgive...and a year goes by and then a few months more. One day there comes a point that you just know in your heart things will never be as they were. I knew from watching my own parents' marriage that staying in an unhappy marriage "for the kids" is one of the worst things you could do for your kids! My decision was a looong time coming and I didn't give up without a fight, but in the end I had to do what was best for all of us.
Some of you may also know that I have suffered for nine years with Panic Disorder/Agoraphobia and after many years (and many meds) I finally found a medication/psychiatrist combo that made me feel 80% better....but I still panicked at the steering wheel. I still couldn't be alone. My eyes still scanned the room for the phone/exits. Anxiety makes you feel dependant on people closest to you and sometimes the one closest to you isn't exactly someone you feel you can depend on...if that makes any sense. I felt very unhappy in my marriage but I was also terrified of being "out there" in the world; I have known for a long time that it was my own fears that kept me in the miserable position I was in. In the past, huge life changes happened to me, not because of me andhere I was, forcing this huge change!
We have been doing a lot of this lately :)
And I'm not going to lie, it was scary but I pushed through those fears. I had a five year old that needed to be enrolled in k-5 in two weeks so I literally forced myself to do things I hadn't done in years. It was a crash course in exposure therapy but it was exactly what I needed to get over a huge peak with this panic disorder....so that's a good thing!
"Silly Sock" Day at school
All that matters to me are those two, my precious girls. Thank God for my parents who have helped us financially. My dad, who has lent his new car for me to drive since this mess began and who has kept the tank full; who has paid for repairs that needed to be made to the townhouse and let me do our laundry at his house. My mom, who has looked after my health (I was down to 99 lbs) and would take me and the girls out to eat, get me vitamins, help with the kids and remind me to pray. I'm especially thankful for my sister who has helped toughen me up and who has had my back throughout all the hell I've endured in my marriage. I don't know what would have happened had I not had (and still have) her pushing me. Zoe wouldn't have had school clothes or school pictures, presents for her birthday if it were not for them. So this is my public thank-you to them and to all of you who have prayed and sent kind thoughts to us during this time. We love you so much!
I'll end this this post on a happy note.I'd like to introduce my new niece, Alaisha Nadine, born on Zoe's birthday, September 23rd....complete with that new baby smell!
* Shop News: I'm so sorry it has taken so long to get back to Etsy and I apologize to anyone who has been waiting, any convos I have neglected to reply to or get back to...I'm so sorry :( I hope this post helps everyone understand. I have an update up my sleeve....I'll definitely let you know when!